Confessions of a Mother: Part II

Previously, I talked about why cancelling my license was so hard. Now let me explain why it had to happen. When I contacted the Arizona State Board of Accountancy, I was given four status options:

1. Active: $300 fee and 80 hours continuing education credit (CPE) every two years (which also takes a lot of time and money).
2. Cancel: voluntary surrender of certificate. I may have to retake the exam, but they have never seen that happen yet. To reinstate, I would just have to write a letter to the Board requesting my certificate be reinstated. They would send me a letter telling what fees & CPE or other documentation I need. I can still practice accounting, just not as a CPA.
3. Inactive: similar to a sabbatical; still active, and still have to pay, but CPE requirements are exempt for six years and I'm unable to practice. After the six years, if I don't start practicing again, my certificate would be suspended and my certificate would expire anyway.
4. Suspend: an action taken from the Board.

All CPA license statuses are public; you can see mine here: Certification Record: Rowland, Nicole.

After a lot of thought, cancellation was definitely the best option. I wasn't going to be able to stay active; inactivity would result in cancellation or suspension anyway (we don't foresee me going back to work in the next six years); and an action taken from the Board never looks good. With the decision made, I had to send in some paper work and my license by the end of my birth month (March--the month the license renewal was due). The night before we mailed the license back was a very sad night for me. That is why we took pictures. I worked hard for that stupid little piece of paper, darn it!

Like I said before, I wanted to put aside my career and become a full time mother. I dreamt of the day that would happen. I was more than looking forward to it. And now that it is here, I love it. It is hard--mostly in ways I didn't imagine. I imagined hard times like poopy messes, food-smeared faces and arms, cranky, screaming babies, cleaning the house day in and day out. Which, of course, I do get all of that, and more. What I didn't imagine is that I would miss my career. I didn't imagine I would miss using the "smart" part of my brain. I didn't realize how that had grown a part of me and now I felt somewhat empty. Sorry to say, but it doesn't take much intelligence to dress and care for a child and home. I wasn't exercising my brain anymore!

When I was working I wanted to be an at-home mother, and now that I was home I missed working??? I am not one to stay wallowing in my self pity, so I needed to figure out why I was feeling this way and fix it. I came to the conclusion that I missed certain aspects of being an auditor (and that is okay), but being a mother has so many more joyful and rewarding moments. There are definitely benefits to both, but if given a choice, I would choose being a mom every time. Realizing this, I knew I needed to continue to find "joy in the journey." As President Monson said, "Let us relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey... Despite the changes which come into our lives... may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future...there is no tomorrow to remember if we don’t do something today."

In February we had a wonderful visiting teaching message: Understand the Divine Roles of Women.. It hit my situation right on the nail. The message made me cry because of gratitude rather than feelings of deficiency. When I read it, it reaffirmed the teachings I already knew to be true and continued to put my perspective back in focus:

"[The] plan of happiness given to us by our Father in Heaven...has a part for His daughters. The half of our Father’s plan that creates life, that nurtures souls, that promotes growth, that influences everything else was given to us. There will come a day when we will all remember what we knew before we were born. We will remember that we fought in a great conflict for this privilege. How do we meet this responsibility? We daily put our energies into the work that is uniquely ours to do.”

"...there is simply not a more significant contribution you can make to society, to the Church, or to the eternal destiny of our Father’s children than what you will do as a mother..."

"To be a righteous woman during the winding up scenes on this earth, before the second coming of our Savior, is an especially noble calling. The righteous woman’s strength and influence today can be tenfold what it might be in more tranquil times."

Then we received the monthly Relief Society newsletter and it had this quote on the bottom:

"To do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of all mankind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a successful statesman. One is universal and eternal greatness, the other is ephemeral." (Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [1939], 285.)

Perspective, perspective, perspective. I am sooo grateful to be a mother. I know I am truly blessed to be in my situation. I have a wonderful daughter and husband who make me smile everyday. Now I just have to figure out how to use my brain again. A couple months ago, a new friend asked me what I do for fun. I thought about it for a few seconds and couldn't come up with anything. I was so surprised by this realization, I was almost embarrassed. That day I discovered what I had been missing. "Me." My life had become a mixture of two worlds: Asia and Jadyn. Nicole had been left behind. I needed to start doing things for myself again. I need to be me and in turn that will help me be a better wife and mother. So, who knows, I may never hold the title of "CPA" or audit a client again. But I'm okay with that now. Life has a lot to offer and I'm going to find something else to learn and enjoy and experience for the next seven years. Maybe I'll start by learning some Chinese...