From Us, To You.

My Mom is Amazing

My mom was here taking care of me for two weeks.  Okay, so she really came to see Ridge, but my goodness she did a lot for all of us while she was here!  She is amazing!  She flew the big, long flight all by herself the morning after Thanksgiving.  That was enough to show me how much she cares, but then when she got here she did absolutely everything for us! Those two weeks were so relaxing and enjoyable.  My sister skyped one morning and told me I didn’t look stressed anymore now that I’d had the baby.  I told her it wasn’t so much that I’d had the baby, but it was because Mom was here taking care of me!We started out the week by getting organized.  Our place is small and we are limited on space.  We needed to make room for Ridge in Jadyn’s room, Christmas decorations in the living room, and guests in the office/storage room/guest bedroom.  It took us a few days to figure it all out and get it all done!  During the process we had to glue some of the landlord’s crappy furniture back together as it came apart while rearranging.  Buuuut we did it, and now our apartment is feeling more orderly, we have a place for Ridge, and we are decorated for Christmas!Everyday my mom would say, “What do you want to get done?  Just keep me busy!”  And every night she would say, “Wake me up if Ridge is up during the night so you can sleep.” He was waking to eat twice during the night, but then going right back to sleep, so luckily we didn’t have to worry about that. Mom certainly did keep busy while she was here.  She cooked, cleaned, played with the kids, held Ridge lots and lots (of course!!),  made Cody’s lunch, took Jade to the school bus, picked Jade up from the school bus, played with Jade at the park,

washed dishes, vacuumed, cleaned the kids’ room, folded laundry, changed diapers, bathed the children, woke up with the kids to let me sleep in, gave the kids haircuts,

got the kids in bed at night, did crafts with Jade, and made Christmas cookies with Jade and her friends. She even kept my rocking chair from squeaking and at one point she even rubbed out a knot in my back. And I’m sure I’m still forgetting some things!!! It makes one wonder what I did for those two weeks!?! Who knows. What I do know is that my love, admiration, and appreciation for my incredible mother grew exponentially. I love her so very much!!!! Every time I would say, “no you don’t have to do that” or “you do too much for us” or “I don’t want you to get sick of waiting on us,” she would reply with a sincere, “I don’t do that much.”  Are you kidding me!?!  I told you she is amazing.

Cody was feeling badly that she wasn’t out site seeing (other than when we went out to see the Christmas decorations) while she was here.

She assured us this was the best kind of vacation: holding the baby and listening to Christmas music.  “It didn’t get much better.”

I found her visit so empowering and uplifting. I was sad to see her go but I am so grateful she came (a BIG thank you to Dad for letting her)! I love you both so much!!!

Lifesavers

After (and while) we had Ridge, we had so much help from so many people.  I am so, so, so very grateful for all these wonderful friends.  I had forgotten how much time a newborn takes and how much healing and rest I would need. Our friends helped us in so many ways; I really don’t know how we would have survived our first few weeks without them.  

The Tai’s took care of Jadyn the weekend we had Ridge.  She loved it at their place and became instant buds with their boy, Jared.  She adores him.  They laugh and laugh every time they are together.  It can be pretty amusing!

We had lots of visitors bringing meals the first couple weeks.  This was a HUGE blessing as we tried to adjust to a new (read: time consuming) baby in the house.   

 

Betsey and Melissa even came to get Jade a few times in the afternoons for play dates.  Again—MUCH appreciated as we were trying to figure things out and Jadyn surely would have been bored of playing “baby” otherwise.  Betsey also took the first picture of our family of four: 

Then Shanna called after my first day home alone without Cody, telling me she was coming over the next morning to help with whatever I needed.  I was embarrassed to accept but she was adamant that she come.  Little did she know at the time I was falling apart after my first day alone!!!  After I failed miserably trying to care for the new babe, get dinner made, wash the dishes, and get Jade in bed by a decent time, her timing couldn’t have been better.

The biggest lifesaver though was Cody. 

He had two days off for paternity leave.  Yes.  TWO.  But he took three more vacation days, so he was home for the entire first week after we came home.  He was seriously amazing.  He took care of absolutely everything but feeding Ridge:  washing dishes, vacuuming, laundry, groceries, warming up dinner, getting Jade to and from school, changing diapers, playing with Jadyn, setting up appointments for Ridge (pediatrician, birth certificate, and passport), etc.  He let me rest and heal as much as possible.  He was a rock star!  His service to me and our family made me feel so loved.  Although it may sound cliché, I really can’t express how grateful I am for him and how hard he works for our family.  I love him SO much. 

Big Sister

Ridge turned a month old on Sunday; I can hardly believe it. Jade has taken well to him though I sense she has had a hard time giving up so much of Mommy's time. She really wants more playtime with me than I can give her right now. Sometimes it breaks my heart. The thing that has been hardest with two is not being able to help or spend time with Jadyn when she needs me because I'm stuck in the rocking chair nursing. And with this big boy, that happens a lot! She seems to be more emotional ie. crying and whining more when I can't immediately fill her every need and desire. She has always been sweet and loving with Ridge regardless. Her helpfulness has been nice; holding him while I make dinner, bringing me the diapers and wipes, setting up the towel or helping me wash for Ridge's bath, "reading" him stories or singing to him, etc. Overall I think she has taken to little brother well and has never been negative toward him at least. She loves to kiss, hug, cuddle, and even carry (with Mom's help) him. From the minute we brought Ridge home, Jade has wanted him in her room. We recently set up his crib and she was so excited to finally have him sleeping in there with her!

This video is from the night we brought Ridge home from the hospital and Jadyn met him for the first time. She was so excited, she kept giggling all night.


Here are several pictures of Big Sister and Little Brother from the last month:

This was the day after we came home. Jade woke up and told us she didn't want to go to school because she would miss Baby Brother too much. We couldn't say no to that! Then when she got herself dressed, she proudly came out with her big sister outfit on.


So excited to help with Ridge's first bath!
I think Ridge loves Jade too. Just look at him watch her!





Big Sister, Little Brother outfits. Both are already getting too small for my tall children!

This morning Jade had so much fun cuddling Ridge in bed with her. She is so excited to get him up to play with her.

The Public Hospital Experience (the REST of the story)

The 48 hours following Ridge's birth were probably worse than the actual delivery. At least in my opinion. The nurses continued to give me the gas while they stitched me up and did everything else they do after a baby is born. I passed out for what felt like an hour, but when I looked at the clock it looked like it had only been about 10 minutes. Cody said it was only 1. The rest felt nice though. Everything happened so fast, I was exhausted.

I had a screaming headache, and so did Cody. For as much as I went through, I felt terrible for him. It seemed I had left him traumatized for life. I at least had the gas and was kind of out if it, plus I'm pretty sure my eyes were closed for most of the birth, but he had to be in there watching me scream in pain. It was hard for him to witness. We both threw up that night--me while trying to eat some rice and ham apparently too soon after delivery, Cody as soon as he arrived home that night.

The first night was miserable. I was moved into a postnatal room with five other women. I still had a headache and was so exhausted I couldn't move my body, but I couldn't sleep either. The lights in the room were left on all night and one in particular was glaring in my eyes. Couple that with the nurses coming in to check one of the six of us every hour or more frequently, and no rest was to be had. Did I mention I had to get out of bed and hand crank a handle to lower or raise the bed?
Also, we were merely a number; we were referred to as bed number 54.
I joked with my parents, "I imagine this is somewhat how a foreign prison would feel: laying there in a hard bed with a hard pillow and a foreign language continuously echoing in the background."

Around 11 p.m. I decided to say a prayer. A prayer to thank Heavenly Father for a healthy baby and to bless me to not feel sick and get rid of my headache. Soon thereafter the nurses brought Ridge to me to feed. As soon as I had my baby in my arms, my headache immediately disappeared and I felt a million times better. I just needed to hold and kiss that boy. He is the sweetest thing.

At some point I must have dozed off, because I woke up in a daze to an older lady talking to me. I was so confused for several seconds. I could not make out a single thing she was trying to say to me; I thought to myself, "she may as well be speaking Chinese!" Then I realized she was speaking Chinese. I was so out of it, all I could do was stare at her in confusion. She looked frustrated and left, then came back with a younger nurse that spoke English. She told me to follow her to the showers. I wish I could have taken a picture of the bathrooms because they are what you would imagine when thinking of any ordinary public bathroom: a line up of stalls. The first few were toilets (with no toilet paper), the last couple were showers, with sinks lining the opposite wall. So very private and comfortable for someone who just gave birth. The English speaking nurse left us and I tried to follow the Chinese-speaking nurse's directions commands. She continued to seem irritated that I couldn't understand her.

The difference between the young nurses (the ones about our age) and the older nurses (the next generation or two up) was interesting to me. The young ones were so happy, kind, and caring; the older ones were grumpy, methodical, and detached. For instance, when an older nurse would come to wake me to feed Ridge, she would merely come smack my leg a couple times (mind you I was usually asleep or at least trying to sleep) and bark out, "go to nursery to feed baby." Then she would leave. The young nurses spoke in kind tones and one even asked me if I had a daughter too. She remembered Jade from one of the antenatal appointments. She said, "She likes to dance, right? And she wears a big flower?" Yes, that would be mine.

Nursing Ridge the first night was an arduous task. Like I said, the nurse would come hit my leg to wake me; once I could get my exhausted self out of bed, I walked [slowly] down the hall to the nursery. There we were directed to check our babies' tags (to make sure we were caring for the right one; my 4.095 kg white boy wasn't hard to spot amidst the 2-point-something-kg-Asians), change the baby's diaper, then sit and nurse on hard, plastic chairs. Like the kind you find stacked up at the church. Another place I wish I could have taken a picture: about a dozen women lined up on both sides of the small room, nursing their babies. Honestly, whose bright idea was it to make all these women who just had babies walk down the long hallway and then sit on the hardest possible chairs for 30-60 minutes to feed their newborns? Ouch! In more ways than one. Usually though I would feed for 20 minutes and then snuggle for 40. So sue me. I love that little guy.

This went on every two hours; the nurse would tell me when to come back to feed again and if I didn't wake up, I would get a couple smacks on the leg. By the next day (which started promptly at 7 a.m. when the nurses came in and turned on ALL the lights and threw open ALL the curtains around the beds) I think I had my brain working again, because I finally asked to have Ridge room in with me. My nurses had to get permission from the nursery nurses, but they let me. From then on I had him stay in my room curtain space, so I could have more control over the feedings, not to mention so I could see him as much as possible. [You can tell it had been a rough night.]

Things were muuuuuch better after that. The nurses still came in more frequently than I preferred, asking when I fed, for how long, and "did baby wee wee or poo poo?" (Say that with your best Chinese accent and you can understand why it was hard for me to take them seriously.)

Cody could only come in during visiting hours, which were 12 - 1:30 p.m. and 5:30 - 8 p.m. Boy, did I look forward to that time of day!

He was great at filling my requests in the in between time. Like bringing me a soft pillow and lots of snacks. For breakfast, congee and a bun was served each morning.
Admittedly, I had never tried congee before this. I figured it had to be flavorless, mushy rice, so it couldn't be too bad, right? Wrong. One bite told me the stuff they were serving was flavored with dried seafood. I ate the bun. When the cafeteria lady came back she said, "You no like congee?" I shook my head. "You want milk?" I nodded. Suuure, I'll take some milk. She brought back a warm milk box; I gulped it down with a "fun size" bag of peanut M&Ms I had stashed in my purse. Man, I couldn't wait for what Cody was going to bring me! The next morning I had bagels and bananas for breakfast. As for lunch and dinner, they looked like this:

They really weren't bad though I didn't even bother with the soup. I was grateful I had become pretty accustom to Chinese food by this point. I was also grateful the lunch lady couldn't speak much English. Apparently Cody overheard her barking at one of the Taiwanese patients in Mandarin: "Eat. Stop staring at your baby and eat your lunch!"

We didn't have a computer or Internet at the hospital (I know that comes as a surprise), so this meant Cody had to take the camera home and try to update family and friends as much as possible in between visits. The first night I was dying. I always have my camera on me and now I have this beautiful new baby that I couldn't take pictures of!! I did what any desperate new mom would do and pulled out my camera phone. Gotta love the sleeping bag and hospital dress. :)




The next night I made Cody leave the camera with me. And I took this cute video of my little son when he was waking up to eat around 3 a.m. Especially for the Grandmas.

The remainder of my time in the hospital I tried to hide out in my 6'x10' cell with my boy and try to get as much sleep as possible. During visiting hours I did have a Chinese grandma peak in my curtains **while I was nursing** and ooh and aahh over my big American baby. She didn't seem to mind that I needed a little privacy. I think Cody was down paying our hospital bill when that happened. When he got back he told me, "250 dollars just like that. Easy come, easy go." That is HK$250, US$32. For the entire prenatal care, labor, delivery, postnatal care; everything. No insurance needed. Now we can all understand why the care is what it is.

We soon found out if Ridge and I were healthy, we could leave as soon as he was 48 hours old. You better believe we had our bills paid, paper work completed, bags packed, and were out the door by 5:56 p.m. on Sunday night. There was no escort, no car seat check, and no wheelchair to the door. They just cut off our tags, handed us some papers, and we were on our own. No matter, once we got there, home never felt so good. It had been a long two days, but we were finally free!


Now the big question: would I do it again? No, not if I can possibly help it. But if you ask a slightly different question: if you went back, would you do it over the same way? Yes, I would. I'm too practical. We are not in a position that US$10,000-15,000 for two days in a private hospital is something we want to swallow. On top of that, we were able to pay off Cody's student loans last month (that's less than four years since he graduated)! I like to think I contributed a little to that by saving us so much money. As it was well put in an article my friend blogged about: "Whether or not the stay-at-home mom brings in income, she makes money by saving it. She’s smart, savvy, diligent, contemporary, cool, chic and tired at the end of a long day — a working woman." All those adjectives may not describe me, but I'd like to believe I at least worked hard those two days.

Ridge's Birth Story

It all began around 9 a.m. on Friday, November 4, 2011. Previously, Cody, had planned a seminary party for that night (don't worry--it was with my permission) as nothing was progressing with the baby. Accordingly, I woke up on Friday and started cleaning. As I was vacuuming at 9 a.m., my water broke. Contractions started about an hour later. So what did I do? I started cleaning faster. Whether we were having a party or having a baby, I wanted the house clean! Then I got in the shower and got ready. Then I finished packing Jade's and my bags. Then at about 11/11:30 a.m. I called Cody, "Do you want to have this baby today?" His reply, "Can it wait until after noon?" Me: "Yah, that's what I was thinking. We would get Jade off the school bus at 12 and then head to the hospital." So that's what we did. Our friends came to pick up Jade just after 12 p.m., Cody and I grabbed some lunch, and then around 1 p.m. we hopped into a taxi to the hospital. By this time my contractions were getting pretty close together and pretty painful. That was the most uncomfortable taxi ride I've ever been on--every little bump hurt so bad! Good thing it was only a few minutes to the hospital!




To be admitted we had to check in at the Admissions Office.

The lady asked to see my appointment slip. Me: "Uhh... I'm going into labor." I gave her my Obstetric Record Card and she told us to sit down and wait. The wait seemed like the longest 15 minutes ever!! We kept asking each other, "Did she really just tell us to sit and wait?" Finally, around 1:30 p.m. an old man came to escort us up to the labor floor. We still kind of think he was a janitor or something because he wasn't dressed as a doctor or nurse and we did not see him again after that. It was kind of weird.

A nurse ushered me into the antenatal ward and into a hospital room with a bed and bathroom. As I was stepping into the dingy room, another nurse came in behind us and told Cody he couldn't be in there. He said okay and followed her out. I figured once they did the initial check, they would put me in a room and bring him back in. It was our understanding he could be with me throughout the entire labor and delivery. Wrong. A doctor came in, checked me, left without telling me anything, a nurse gave me some pajamas to put on, and I was taken to a room with seven (yes, seven!!) beds with ladies in pink pjs hanging out in them.

Now it was 2 p.m. A nurse hooked me up to a fetal monitoring unit and had me lay on my left side, staring at the the lady two feet away in the bed next to me with no curtain in between. And did I mention the sheets looked stained? But I didn't take a second look because I didn't even want to think about it.

I still hadn't been told anything--what the doctor saw or didn't see. Finally, around 2:30 p.m. I asked again what the doctor saw. There was confirmed leaking but I hadn't dilated at all. At some point in there, Cody had texted me, "Hey, what's going on?" It was only then I realized they hadn't told him anything either.

By this time I had realized where I was. I wasn't in the labor ward; I was in the antenatal ward, where women come and basically hang out until they actually go into real labor. I could tell I was the only person in that room actually having strong, regular contractions. A friend had told me about this place and that Cody could come in during visiting hours or I could go out to him. I had figured I wouldn't even be using that room because I wouldn't go to the hospital until I was actually in labor. Apparently I was wrong. I decide to go out to Cody. He had been sitting in the hallway by the elevators on a hard plastic chair (seen in picture below) just waiting and wondering. Now my contractions are so bad and so close together, I can't walk or talk during them and they're making me sweat. For some reason the pink pajamas remind me of one of those blow up sumo suits.


I decide to go back in and after a few more *painful* contractions I ask for another check (yes, I had to request an exam). Luckily, they pull a curtain around my bed now. Again, the nurses tell me I haven't dilated (though they didn't use that term--they said my "aux"? isn't open or something like that). I told them I want to go to a labor room, have an epidural, and I want my husband with me. Instead they bring in the doctor to do another check. I tell him what I want. He tells me as soon as my "aux" is open I can go into a labor room and I will probably dilate 1-2 cm per hour, we will have a labor pattern, and can then get an epidural. In short: they won't move me to a labor room. He suggests I receive some pain medication. Yes, please! But if I do, will I still be able to get an epidural? He tells me yes and a few minutes later they give me a shot of something (I don't remember the name) in my butt. Now it is 4:30 p.m., the contractions are 2-3 minutes apart, and are so painful all I can do is lay there on my side. I clutch my pillow and try to breathe through each one as they give me the shakes and sweats. Meanwhile all the other ladies in the room are just hanging out. I'm pretty sure my idea of actual labor and the doctor's is quite a bit different.

At 5:30 p.m. I can't take the pain anymore. As I hit the nurse call button to request another check, a contraction comes that is so painful, I can't help but scream. The nurses run in and do another check. I am already 4 cm!!! They rush me to the labor and delivery room, all the while I'm screaming "epidural, epidural." I think Cody is following after us, but come to find out later, he wasn't allowed in at first. They told him to wait while they ran some "tests." Then when they did let him in they asked him for the pads (we have to provide our own supplies at the public hospital: under pads, maternity pads, baby diapers and wipes, etc.). He pulled them out only to be told they were the wrong pads. Cody was livid, to say the least. After some arguing, the nurses win out and they send him down to Watsons to buy the right kind.

Meanwhile, I am still screaming and the nurses are trying to get me to change beds. How am I supposed to do that? I feel unable to move and control my body at this point. They help me over and through my screaming, they change my clothes (whose idea was it to put a laboring woman in pants in the first place?) and the nurses ask if I have the urge to push. I continue to scream "epidural, epidural," because I'm afraid if I admit that I do indeed have the urge to push, they won't give me one. They give me a gas mask and I think I blank out a little bit. They tell me to hold on, "baby is coming," and put my left hand on the bed rail and my right hand in Cody's. I look back and see that it is his hand, "Honey is that you?" I am so thrilled he is there all I can say is "I love you. I love you." He made it back (and at this point I didn't even know he had left). It was approximately 5:45 p.m. The first thing he asked the nurse was, "Have you given her an epidural yet?" The nurse told him, "No need, baby is coming." His reply, "No need? She is screaming!" Nurse (in all seriousness): "They all scream."

The nurses have started coaching me on when to push. I think to myself, "They are not going to give me an epidural. The only way to get this over with is to push him out." So I follow their direction and after what felt like maybe six pushes, Baby Ridge Cody Rowland was born.

He was born on November 4, 2011 at 5:56 p.m., 4.095 kg (9 lbs 1/2 oz.) in weight, 53 cm (20.87 inches) in length, and a 36 cm (14.17 inches) head circumference.


He is perfectly healthy and I am recovering well.